I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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