If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
