I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
