One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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