Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
