How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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