dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize