farters have to be the big spoon...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
