im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
