i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want nice things and good sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
