dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
