So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
