ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
