Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
