I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
