i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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