I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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