tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
