oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
