remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
