I wanna bring you to show and tell
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
