she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
