I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
