She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
