So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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