First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
