I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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