Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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