oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
