i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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