how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
