so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
