I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
