no, he came in my armpit
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
