You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
