We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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