Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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