her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
