one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What drink are we having for lunch?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
