She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
