You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
