We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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