He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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