found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
