so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
