so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
