Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
