omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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