somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
