did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
