stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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