just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
