got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
