when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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