??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
