remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
