I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did I show you my penis last night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
