Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
