I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
