just tell him i said nine months
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
