that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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