Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
