Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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