I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
