no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
