wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
nutella sex= disaster
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
