im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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