My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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