Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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