just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
