We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
