Michael Bay diarrhea
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
