What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
