plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
